The Magic of Cancer (And The Beautiful Things We Have To Do) Part 2

On my last blog post, I posted video of the stem-cell collection process.  Tonight I finally finished editing the video of the actual stem-cell transplant.  That whole editing process is such a pain!!  I would have loved to just post the video in it's entirety, but I couldn't for two reasons.  Reason one:  The video is really long and really boring.  The whole transplant video is about 30 minutes.  And as you will see, the process isn't very exciting.  At least not as exciting as I thought it would be.  Amazing and mind boggling, yes.  Exciting, no.  Reason two:  I puke.  Multiple times.  I don't feel like anyone would want to see that, so I took it out.

 

I hope you at least try to watch it.  I know it's boring.  But just because it's boring doesn't mean it isn't worth it.  I'm pretty sure you will learn something from watching it.  At least that's my  hope.  That someone learns something.  Even if all you learn is that we (Jeremy and I) don't always know what we are talking about, at least you will have learned something!!  So, here it is.  The highly anticipated Stem-Cell  Transplant video.  Enjoy!

 

  STEM-CELL TRANSPLANT VIDEO

 

And I apologize to everyone for having to open the video in another window.  I am clueless and can't get the video to play in the post.  It's actually a tiny miracle that I ever even figured out how to upload it to You Tube and then post a link to it here.  So, take what you can get, even if it is just a link :).

The Magic Of Cancer (And The Beautiful Things We Have To Do) Part 1

 I have some video of the whole Stem Cell harvest/transplant process but until tonight I haven't had time to sit down and figure out how to edit it.  I've been wanting to share the video footage for awhile because I feel like everyone might learn more about the process from seeing it rather than reading about it (at least I seem to learn better that way).  I hope what you are seeing makes sense.  This part (part 1) is of the stem cell harvest process.  Luckily for me this only took two days (one for placement of my central line and one for the actual collection of cells). 

Watching all the videos brought back some stuff I had already forgotten, like how much hair I had!  Haha!  And, I didn't include everything.  The video of me talking all crazy while in recovery didn't make the cut.  I mean, it's funny, but NO.  And I cut out a lot of Jeremy's random video of the room.  Other than those few things what you see is exactly what went down.  Oh, and I apologize for the terrible transitions.  That part of the editing I haven't figured out yet.  Hopefully my editing skills will be up to standard when I edit Part 2.  So, without further adieu, I give you my stem cell harvest video...

Stem Cell Harvest Video

 

 

 

Perspective

Google defines "perspective" as "a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view."  Let me tell you something.  Cancer changes your perspective.  On almost everything.

Before I knew I had cancer, I didn't think much about death.  And when I did think about it, it was as if death was something so far off in the future that I couldn't even really understand what it meant.  Now, now I think about death a lot.  And by a lot I mean probably every single day.  And now when I think about it, it's with the perspective of someone who has a disease that can kill you.  Death is certain and final and you come to really understand what that means when you are faced with the reality of it possibly happening sooner than later.  Totally not the same perspective as before cancer.

When your perspective on death changes, so does your perspective on life.  Before I knew I had cancer, I was living what I perceived as a wonderful, fulfilling life.  I had a wonderful husband, two wonderful children, a loving family, incredible friends, and a job that I enjoyed.  I was having fun, no doubt.  But, my new perspective is that I wasn't really living.  I was existing.  And I wonder, why was that? Why wasn't I really living?  The answer is simple:  Because I didn't realize that I was dying.  I didn't realize that with or without cancer, I was dying.  I didn't realize that every 24 hours, every new day, every sunrise I was alive to experience was a blessing because life is not something that is guaranteed.  We don't come with expiration dates.  None of us know when our final sunrise will come.  

So now, now I thank God daily for each day that I am allowed to live.  And I don't take a single moment for granted because I now understand that I will never experience today again.  I understand that really living isn't about getting up, going to work, making dinner, then going to bed and repeating every day.  What living is about is realizing that you may not be here tomorrow.  It is about making other people happy and expecting nothing in return.  It is about loving with your whole heart and not being afraid of not receiving that love in return.  It is about making sure your family knows how much you love them.  It is about not missing your children's activities, not a single one.  It is about laughing and crying with your friends.  It is about giving.  It is about putting off work to spend time with those who are the most important too you.  It is taking time to let those important people in your life know exactly how you feel because you know that tomorrow you may not get the opportunity to tell them.  Living is giving all the glory to God and placing each day in His hands.  

 Life is too short to be unhappy.   So I've decided to do what makes me happy even if others may not approve or understand.  I've decided that I don't want the people in my life to have to question how I feel or what I think.  

 So, thank you cancer for my new perspective.