Tuesday, February 17, 2015

I Called The Doctor and The Doctor Said...

 
During the last week of January I felt them again.  The lymph nodes.  I told myself it was just scar tissue.  But then, the next week I could feel another one.  They were super small, but I could still feel them.  I wasn't sick, hadn't been sick.  I assumed the cancer was back.  I had an appointment with Dr. Robertson already scheduled for February 12, so I just waited for that appointment to say anything to a doctor.  

Last Thursday was my appointment in Indy with Dr. Robertson.  I seriously thought I might vomit right there in the chair while the lady was drawing labs.  I was so nervous.  So many thoughts running through my head.  It was ridiculous.  When Dr. Robertson came in the room I explained everything to him.  How I started feeling them two weeks ago and how I had been extremely fatigued for about the same amount of time.  He felt around and all he said was, "Well, if they are there they are really small."  He didn't say he felt them or didn't feel them.  I was starting to feel a little crazy.  I know they are there because I can feel them.  How could he not?  Maybe I was just imagining things.  Anyway, he ultimately ordered a PET scan "just to be sure."

So Friday I had a PET scan.  Again.  Make this scan #4.  The results:  ALL CLEAR.  The scan didn't show any activity in my neck, but did show some in my chest.  Dr. Stevens told me that that activity was related to my Thymus and was benign.  YAY FOR GOOD NEWS!!!  I told Dr. Stevens that I found that odd since I can still feel the nodes.  I have an appointment with him in March anyway so we will see what is going on then.  I have been sick with this crud that's going around since Thursday, so maybe that's why I can feel them.  But, why could I feel them three weeks ago, and why can I still feel them?  Who knows.  I'm obviously looking way more into it than I should, but it's sooooo hard to not do that.  But, whatever.  No sign of cancer still so all is good!!!

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I turned 38 on Sunday.  Probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it is a huge deal.  When I turned 37, I was going thru chemo.  I had no idea what I was going to endure to kill the stupid cancer.  Or if I would kill it at all.  But I did endure it, stem-cell transplant included, and I did kill it.  And I lived to see another birthday.  That is a really big deal when you have/had cancer.  Cancer can kill you.  And when you wrap your brain around that concept, you then realize that life is fragile and can be taken away from you at any minute.  You realize that birthdays really should be celebrated in a big way, because you aren't guaranteed to have another one.  Birthdays become a celebration of life, and you become aware that making it 38 years is a huge accomplishment.  You know that your celebrations could have been done at 37, and you give thanks to God daily that he has given you another chance.
I will never look at birthdays the same way again.  Mine or my family/friends.  And in July, on my Re-Birth day, I will celebrate again.  Can't wait!