THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE, WORDS OF WISDOM, AND A LITTLE MOTIVATION

I'm certain they will be so upset!!  Hahaha!

Since we are talking about things that make me smile, I figured why not start with music.  Music is just wonderful and can make you feel good when you don't even want too.  At least, it does that for me.  I could list sooo many songs that I love, but I won't.  What I am going to do, however, is give you a list and links to some of my favorites and some maybe you have never heard.  Why?  Because I can.  And I want you to smile and be happy.  

AWOL NATION - SAIL 

WAGON WHEEL - OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW

I'LL FOLLOW YOU - SHINEDOWN

NOT STRONG ENOUGH - APOCALYPTICA

HALLELUJAH - JASON CASTRO

BETTER TOGETHER - JACK JOHNSON

BLACK HORSE AND THE CHERRY TREE - KT TUNSTALL

HEY THERE DELILAH - PLAIN WHITE T'S

LITTLE THINGS - ONE DIRECTION

GLITTER IN THE AIR - PINK

SORRY - BUCKCHERRY

WHEN I WAS YOUR MAN - BRUNO MARS

WHISTLE FOR THE CHOIR - FRATELLIS

HENRIETTA - FRATELLIS

OH LOVE - GREEN DAY

TRUTH IS - LEVELLERS

THE HOUSE THAT BUILT ME - MIRANDA LAMBERT

GIRL ON FIRE - ALICIA KEYS

GRAVITY - JOHN MAYER

FLUORESCENT ADOLESCENT - ARCTIC MONKEYS

Some of these are a little sappy, I know.  But there is nothing wrong with that!  I mean, listening to One Direction doesn't make me weird, does it?  And a girl can dream that Bruno Mars or John Mayer are really singing to her, right?  I'm sure you noticed that I didn't choose the Darius Rucker version of Wagon Wheel.  Not because I don't like it, because I do.  I just prefer the Old Crow Version.  To prove that I don't dislike Mr. Rucker, here is a photo of me with him:

I hope you enjoy my songs.  Don't worry.  I have more.  I think I have like 190 or something on my playlist.  So, if you want to know what else I listen too just ask!  I may just have to do another post at some point and break it down into workout music, fun music, Oh How Much I Love You music, and just really good music.  I'm sure I will.  Because, really, I didn't even mention Eminem!!  And no playlist is really complete without him.

And don't worry.  There will be more posts about other things I love in the future :)

WORDS OF WISDOM

I'm not sure what I'm getting ready to say is really wisdom, but rather my take on my last blog post.  I will call it wisdom because it just sounds awesome, like I actually know what the heck I'm talking about.  In my last post I talked about things I miss.  And I thought that was just kind of depressing.  But after I thought about it, it really isn't.  Yeah, I guess the things I said I miss are different in a way from missing people or things.  But really, the premise is the same.  Think about it.  If you miss someone, whether that person has passed on or you just aren't as close as you once were, you miss them for one reason.  And that's because you love them.  To be able to feel that for another human being, that love (whether its for a friend, parent, sibling, spouse, etc...doesn't matter) that causes you to miss them is awesome.  Because that means you had something amazing in your life.  And that goes for things and health as well.  If you miss something, anything, that means that you had something great.  Something or someone so great that it or they left a huge impact on your life.  A true blessing.  And if you miss it or them, that means you want it or them to come back.  Do we ever wish for bad things to come back to us?  Do we ever miss things we don't like?  The answer is no and no.  So, embrace the memories of all that you miss.  Your heart knows exactly what it misses.  Be thankful for that.  And, here is what I hope you all do.  If you are missing someone, and they are still on this planet and you are able to talk to them, tell them you miss them.  They need to know.  Not only will it make you feel good to talk to them, it will make them feel wonderful knowing that they mean enough to you for you to miss them.  Besides, life is to short to not tell others how we feel about them.  And as for me and the health things I miss, I remember what it feels like to have all those things.  And I know I will have them again.  So I am feeling blessed that I have experienced good health, and feeling grateful that I will have it again someday soon. 

A LITTLE MOTIVATION

I have learned a lot over the past few years about personal growth.  I have learned that if you want something, you need to go after it.  Anything is possible.  I have learned to ignore the haters and the naysayers (is that even a word?).  I have learned that it's my life and if I am going to make something of it, it's up to me.  If I allow all the negative talk to get in my way, all the people saying I can't do something dictate what I do or don't do, then I won't be successful.  I have learned that to be successful, you have to figure out your "why."  Why are you doing what it is that you do?  Why?  What is your passion?  Why?  You  have to figure this out, and when you do, you can't be stopped.  You will succeed.  Excuses are for people who need them.  I could go on, but I will not.  You get the point.  With that, I leave you with this little gem.  Who knew that Ashton Kutcher was so smart??  Seriously though, watch this.  It's legit.  And you will be glad you did.  

 





Things That I Miss

Well this little ECard couldn't be any more true!!  And, it goes right along with how I feel today, so I figured that is how I would start this blog post.  I really don't want this to be a negative post.  I really don't.  But, I am really, really, really starting to miss certain things.  And it is kind of driving me a little crazy not being able to do what makes me, me.  I'm starting to feel like I don't even know me anymore.  So, before I forget who I really am, I feel like I need to make a list of things I miss. 

Thing #1...WORKING OUT!!!!!
     If you know me at all, I mean, AT ALL then you know how important health and fitness are to my life.  If you follow me on Facebook, then you  have seen the before and after photo's.  If you have never seen them, no fear.  I am going to post it here.  Don't care if some of you are tired of seeing it.  I worked damn hard to accomplish my 90 day goal and I will post it as much as I want!!!  But really, I miss working out with all of my being.  Before cancer (or I guess I should say chemo since I've probably had cancer for many, many months and just didn't know it) my routine was as follows:  up at 4:45; get dressed, stumble to the kitchen, mix up my Visalus GO and Visalus PRO to fuel my workout.  Then, head down to the Steelers room and get started.  My workouts last anywhere from 30-45 minutes and they were pretty dang intense.  Then, up to shower and dressed.  Then mix up my breakfast/recovery Vi-Shake (usually chocolate/peanut butter/banana).  Then get the kids ready for school then head to work. 

Don't get me wrong.  I still use these amazing products every.single.day.  Love them.  And honestly, without my shake, I'm not exactly sure I would be able to eat anything for breakfast.  Dr. Stephens told me to keep drinking them as much as I wanted as often as I wanted because they are that good for me.  So I do.  But, I miss drinking them after an intense weight lifting workout or good run.  The GO and PRO act as my coffee now.  Can not wait until I can use them like I used too!!  To fuel my workouts!!  Did I mention how much I miss working out??

Thing #2...NOT FEELING NAUSEAUS FOR A WEEK

     Can't explain what this is like.  Just can't.  It's different than pregnancy nausea.  And it doesn't go away, but just gets worse daily.  And as the day goes on.  Nothing sounds good at all, but when I eat I feel better for a little while.  I literally stood in the kitchen for about 30 minutes yesterday trying to decide what to eat.  Jeremy was washing dishes and turned around and asked me if I was stalking him.  That's how long I stood there.  And still couldn't make a decision!!!  It's awful.  Every week after chemo is like this.  It's terrible.  I really wish I could explain it.  And when you feel like this, you will eat anything to feel better.  And at any time of day or night.  It totally goes against EVERYTHING I stand for when it comes to health and nutrition.  So, this is super hard for me to get past mentally.  But, you do what you gotta do to get through it. 

Thing #3...NOT FEELING COMPLETELY WIPED OUT FOR A WEEK

     Again, if you know me AT ALL, you know that pre-chemo I was full of energy and always on the go.  Now, it's nothing short of a miracle if I'm not asleep by 9 for the whole week after chemo.  I really feel bad for my kids on this one.  I just don't feel like doing anything at all.  Just playing a game of UNO sounds like work. I don't like feeling like this at all.  It is totally not me.  Before all this chemo nonsense I was up until 11 and back up at 4:45am.  It's weird how much this bothers me, but it does.

Thing #4...MY PRE-CHEMO HAIR

     I still have my hair.  Just not all of it.  It is thinning out so much that I'm not even sure how much longer I can stand it.  Jeremy and several others have told me that they can't really see where it has come out, but I sure can.  And I know it is because it is still coming out in handfuls in the shower and in my brush.  I was so close to shaving it on January 1.  I'm so close to over it.  It's just annoying at this point.  And depressing.  I had finally, after several years of trying, grown out my hair and had it exactly how I wanted it.  Now I can only wear it one way and it's not the way I want.  So, sooner than later I will just get rid of it.  But dang I sure miss my old hair!!!

Thing #5...NOT GETTING WINDED SO QUICKLY

     One side effect of one of my chemo drugs is that it can cause lung damage.  My Dr. says my shortness of breath issue is not due to lung damage at this point, but rather anemia that is brought on my chemo.  Awesome.  Just walking up the stairs can take my breath sometimes.  And this is one reason I can't workout like I used to.  Kind of hard to do when you can't breathe!!!

Thing #6...NOT HAVING MY HEART RACE AT RANDOM TIMES

     Another side effect of one of my chemo drugs is heart damage.  My Dr. has assured me that my heart is still ok at this point, but my racing heart is due to, again, anemia brought on by chemo.  Totally freaked me out the first time I felt this.  It felt like my heart was beating out of my chest and into my throat.  So bizarre.  Yet another reason I can't work out.  Dang heart rate skips around too much when I try too.  

Thing #7...NOT HAVING A SORE THROAT AND DRIED OUT NOSE EVERY MORNING

     Yep, you guessed it.  Another side effect of chemo.  Dries out everything.  It's ridiculous really.  

Thing #8...NOT BREAKING OUT IN RANDOM RASHES

     Happens every time.  And not at the same time.  Sometimes its the day after chemo, sometimes four or five days after.  Might be on my face, arms, legs.  Just depends where it wants to pop up.  This is why I carry Benadryl with me wherever I go.  I just don't ever know.

OK.  Enough of that.  I don't want this to turn into a pity party or a depressing post.  But, seriously, I MISS THOSE THINGS!!  But, I also miss these things.  They really have nothing to do with chemo or cancer.  I just miss them.

We have been on two Disney Cruises.  Can not wait to go again!

    

Before the cruise...so much fun

Cocoa Beach last summer.

Universal Studios last summer

Hard Rock Hotel.  Amazing.  No other word will describe it.

These two...Miami Beach.  Beautiful sums this up I think.  And I had an AMAZING workout on the beach with my friends Natalie, Lee, and Kristie.  Great time with great people.

PNC Park.  I would have to say probably the most beautiful major league park that exists.  Home of the Pittsburgh Pirates.  I think we are really meant to live in Pittsburgh.  Would love to go here again some day.

Heinz Field.  Home of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Also known as heaven.  hahaha.  Seriously though.  Pretty fantastic taking a tour of this.  We went to a game here in 2005.  Would love to go back.

I hope this post wasn't too awful for all of you.  Not overly exciting I know.  But, this one was more for me I guess.  To vent a little.  My husband and a few good friends have told me to just remember that all of this bad stuff, the nasty side effects and not getting to do the things I love is just temporary.  And they are right.  It is.  And after 8 more treatments and the PET scan saying I'm cancer free, I can get back to being me.  You have no idea how much I long for that day.  Just seems like it will be forever before it gets here.  But, I will just keep moving ahead and struggling through the bad weeks and enjoying the good weeks to the fullest.  That's all I can do.  That, and lean on my friends.  So lucky to have some great ones!!! 

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A Clown, Balloons, and Midget Monopoly

Before we begin, you must listen to this song to get the full effect of my chemo day.  Now.  Now you are ready for this.  And leave it playing as you read.  Just do it.  Don't be weird.

 

 

I'm pretty sure I KNOW I have the best friends on the entire planet.  There are some people who have to take a taxi to and from chemo.  They can't find ANYONE, not even one person who cares enough to even give them a ride.  I have seen it personally.  I can't imagine how much more difficult dealing with all of this would be mentally if I was in that situation.  Thank God I am not.  Not even close.  I honestly have friends waiting to take me.  Some old friends, and some new.

 

  The post at the top of this blog is 100% true.  It's easy.  So easy to tell someone you care, to tell someone you like them, to hang out with someone and consider them your friend.  So easy.  But when that word "friend" is put to the test, that's where the truth will reveal itself.   The saying "Actions speak louder than words" should be hanging on my wall somewhere.  I say it alot and I believe in it 100%  Words are just that,words.  Don't really mean anything until you do what you say or when your behavior matches your words.  If you tell me that you care about me, or you tell me that you want to help me and will do anything I ask or need you to do, then when the time comes to follow up on your word and you come up with excuses you can't, that behavior tells me all I need to know. 

 

 A true friend won't be too busy to help you out when times get bad.  A true friend won't suddenly shut you out when things get weird.  A true friend won't make excuses as to why they can't take you to chemo or why they can't do whatever it is you need.  A true friend is someone you haven't talked to in years but is messaging you and telling you that if you need anything at all, even someone to take you to chemo they will do it.  A true friend is someone who strait out asks you if they can go with you or if you just want them to come over and hang out for awhile.  They will set dates weeks in advance for you to go out with them because they know that's when your good day will be and they want you to have fun and smile. They don't have excuses.  Ever.  They always find a way.  A true friend starts a t-shirt fundraiser for you that you know nothing about.  Or a virtual 5k you know nothing about.  Or they send you texts daily asking how you are, can they do anything, telling you they are thinking of you and can't wait for you to get better.  They send you FB messages on random days saying Hey, I miss you and think and pray for you every single day and can't wait until we can get together again.  They send you pictures daily of their new twin babies because they know those pictures will melt your heart and make you smile on even your worst day. They call you at 7:30 on a Friday night just to check on you even when they aren't feeling well either (yeah, that just happened). 

 

 They are men, women, cousins, brothers, sister-in-laws, parents, aunts.  Some of my very best and closest friends are guys.  And surprisingly, even guys care about others.  Hahaha.  They actually get it.  They understand life is hard and they have my back, like a brother.  I had an hour long conversation with one a week or so ago.  Just being able to talk helped so much.  He didn't have to talk to me that long.  He is super busy and I am certain he had tons of other things to do, but he took the time.  And that means a lot to me. 

 

Insert link to a song for all my true friends here. And I really do love all of you.  That's the truth.  click here. (I know.  Fox and the Hound.  Just trying to keep this post kid friendly ;)

 

This song works too and he gives an AMAZING concert.

 

  A true friend can be someone you have known forever, may have just met, or someone you have known just for a few years, like my friend Courtney the Clown (hahaha) who went with me today.  We haven't been friends very long, but you can't tell it.  The lady next to us today wanted to know if we were sisters.  She said it appeared that way.  We just laughed and said no, just friends.  That made me feel so good.  The fact that we were having so much fun together (at the most depressing place on earth, mind you) tells me something about or relationship.  It works.  And it's fun.  And we will be friends forever.  She is the real deal.  And, I am not one to trust people easily.  I'm kind of shy at first because I'm never sure who is real and who is fake and I don't want fake people knowing everything about me.  That's just not how I roll.  But, if I trust you, shy girl goes home and outgoing, lets go party and have fun Michelle come out.  And THAT Michelle will tell you anything you want to know.  And she will do anything for you.  ANYTHING.  I will find a way to help you or make your problem a little easier to handle.  Did Courtney have to take the whole freaking day off work for me?  NO.  Did she do it anyway?  YES!   This is what I'm talking about:

 

   

Absolutely no hesitation here

 

And, of course, she went and got me this #cracksandwich

If you haven't figured it out by now, this is a requirement.

And this seems like the perfect place to introduce you all to this awesomeness.

 

Two weeks ago my BFF Mandy gave me a spa day.  That was tremendous.  Today, I was challenged to midget Monopoly.  A party with clowns and balloons would not be complete with something midget related now would it??

 

She said she won and I was sad.  I hate losing. 

But hang on a minute.  I don't really believe I lost now that I have come down off the Ativan and really thought about it.  She didn't count the money.  All she did was say "I totally beat you."  Then started putting it away.  Just wait Courtney the Clown.  Just wait.  When I get over all this chemo nonsense, I challenge you to a game of one on one basketball.  I will take you to school.  BAM!!!

 

She said to pose with my pole.  Hahahaha.  Well, OK.  Let's do it!!

 

 

So, I guess this post is mixed.  A little about clowns, balloons, and midgets and a lot about friends.  This is a topic I could go on about forever I think.  It has been said that you are the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most.  I believe this to be true.  And I choose carefully as I stated before.  I don't want to associate with people who appear sincere, but in reality they aren't.  Those people just tell you what you want to hear.  Their actions don't match their words.  That is a HUGE red flag to me.  And it ticks me off when people do that.  Don't lie to me.  And really, why would you say things you don't mean anyway??  Makes zero sense to me.  Zero.  I only say what I mean.  So I want to hang out with people who do the same thing.  I don't have time for games.  I also don't want to associate with people who don't really want to associate with me.  What good is that.  What I want is someone who doesn't lie to me, holds true to their word, finds me important enough in their life to make time for me even when its not convenient, will be by my side even when the chemo is gone, will laugh with me, cry with me, and will let me tell them anything I want and not judge me and not tell anyone else.  And I am so happy to say that I have found those people.  LOTS of those people in fact.  I have more of those people in my life than I even knew about before cancer.  I honestly had no idea so many people truly cared for me until now.  So, I guess this is just one more reason God allowed me to have cancer.  So I would open my eyes and realize these things.  Realize that he has blessed me beyond measure.  Realize who my true friends are and who are not.  But, as luck would have it, I have MANY true friends.  And for those that I have realized are not.  That's ok.  It's actually good to know so  I don't make those people one of my five!! Silver linings people.  Silver linings in everything. 

 

 

 

And, well, I've always got The Man Upstairs on my side.  Always.  He isn't just in my 5.  He is #1.  Can't go wrong with that.