I'm Crazy...But I Don't Have Cancer!!!

Me.  Every day.  Some days I think being bald is the better option!

Last Friday I had an appointment with Dr. Stephens for a routine check-up.  He went over my latest PET scan results again and assured us that all is well.  The activity that can be seen on the scan is in my Thymus and is benign, so no worries!  He felt around on my neck and didn't feel anything, just confirming that I'm actually crazy.  But hey, I'll take crazy over cancer any day!!  Dr. Stephens did tell me some promising news though.  He said that at his most recent conference they discussed the great advances in medications available to treat Hodgkins.  He said the new treatments are really, really good.  Hopefully I never need them, but at least I know that if it comes back I have options!!

 

I did have something to discuss with him, though.  For the last few months I have been experiencing this thing that the only way I know how to describe is to say it feels like frostbite.  My fingertips will turn white and hurt.  And it happens when my hands have been exposed to cold, whether that's just walking outside to my car, getting something out of the freezer, or just being in a cool room.  And my right hand has been doing this thing where if I am outside in these cold temps for five minutes, even with gloves on, it begins to throb and just hurt.  Really hurt.  Then it starts feeling really, really cold and starts hurting worse.  When trying to warm my hand up, it feels like it is on fire and I'm not exaggerating.  It is a hurt that brings me to tears for a minute.  Give it ten to fifteen minutes and its all over.  So, I of course took to Facebook and Google to diagnose myself.  My Hodgkins folks on FB assured me that I had what is called Raynaud's Disease.  Seemed legit to me, but I wanted to confirm with Dr. Stephens.  After I described all this to him and showed him the following photo, he said without a doubt it is Raynaud's.  He then proceeds to tell me that this picture could be in a text book, to which I replied, "I'm pretty sure I am a text book at this point!" 

 

He explained that some chemo drugs can cause this but couldn't say exactly which one did it for me.  All he really could say is that it had to be one of the drugs I received prior to my transplant.  Dr. Stephens said that this disease rarely gets bad enough to require medication, but if it does it is treated with a blood pressure pill.  Ok.  Whatever.  First Keratoconus, now Raynaud's.  Both are not pleasant, but I would rather deal with these things than have cancer!! 

This whole notion of being cancer free is finally sinking in and I am starting to stress less and less over the whole situation.  This is a great feeling and I am so excited to start training for my first Spartan Race!!!!  Anyway, that's all I got.  Until next time...

 

 

 



I Called The Doctor and The Doctor Said...

 

During the last week of January I felt them again.  The lymph nodes.  I told myself it was just scar tissue.  But then, the next week I could feel another one.  They were super small, but I could still feel them.  I wasn't sick, hadn't been sick.  I assumed the cancer was back.  I had an appointment with Dr. Robertson already scheduled for February 12, so I just waited for that appointment to say anything to a doctor.  

Last Thursday was my appointment in Indy with Dr. Robertson.  I seriously thought I might vomit right there in the chair while the lady was drawing labs.  I was so nervous.  So many thoughts running through my head.  It was ridiculous.  When Dr. Robertson came in the room I explained everything to him.  How I started feeling them two weeks ago and how I had been extremely fatigued for about the same amount of time.  He felt around and all he said was, "Well, if they are there they are really small."  He didn't say he felt them or didn't feel them.  I was starting to feel a little crazy.  I know they are there because I can feel them.  How could he not?  Maybe I was just imagining things.  Anyway, he ultimately ordered a PET scan "just to be sure."

So Friday I had a PET scan.  Again.  Make this scan #4.  The results:  ALL CLEAR.  The scan didn't show any activity in my neck, but did show some in my chest.  Dr. Stevens told me that that activity was related to my Thymus and was benign.  YAY FOR GOOD NEWS!!!  I told Dr. Stevens that I found that odd since I can still feel the nodes.  I have an appointment with him in March anyway so we will see what is going on then.  I have been sick with this crud that's going around since Thursday, so maybe that's why I can feel them.  But, why could I feel them three weeks ago, and why can I still feel them?  Who knows.  I'm obviously looking way more into it than I should, but it's sooooo hard to not do that.  But, whatever.  No sign of cancer still so all is good!!!

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I turned 38 on Sunday.  Probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it is a huge deal.  When I turned 37, I was going thru chemo.  I had no idea what I was going to endure to kill the stupid cancer.  Or if I would kill it at all.  But I did endure it, stem-cell transplant included, and I did kill it.  And I lived to see another birthday.  That is a really big deal when you have/had cancer.  Cancer can kill you.  And when you wrap your brain around that concept, you then realize that life is fragile and can be taken away from you at any minute.  You realize that birthdays really should be celebrated in a big way, because you aren't guaranteed to have another one.  Birthdays become a celebration of life, and you become aware that making it 38 years is a huge accomplishment.  You know that your celebrations could have been done at 37, and you give thanks to God daily that he has given you another chance.

I will never look at birthdays the same way again.  Mine or my family/friends.  And in July, on my Re-Birth day, I will celebrate again.  Can't wait! 

I Survived 2014!!

I really can't believe this year is already at an end.  As I look back and think of all that has happened during the past 365 days, I find it absolutely amazing that I am where I am today.  December 31, 2014 and I am feeling fantastic!! Nine chemo sessions, losing my hair (twice), two PET scans, excisional biopsy (again), Stem-Cell Harvest (which included Neupogen shots that I had to give myself twice a day), Stem-Cell Transplant (which included 18 chemo infusions and an 18 day hospital stay), placement of a central line, and surgery to remove my port.  WHEW!!

And the emotional roller coaster this year brought to us.  Let us not forget how in February my CT scan showed that I was in remission, which caused much happiness and plans for a No More Cancer Party.  I finished Chemo at the end of April and the party was May 10.  What a great day that was!!!  Such a great party and so many friends and family there to support and congratulate me.  We were the happiest we had been in such a long time!  But alas, the happiness would soon be overcome with fear.  Two weeks after the party, a PET scan confirmed that my cancer was still living and growing inside me.  Talk about going from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows!  Then, on November 7 we finally heard what we had been waiting to hear...NO MORE CANCER!!!!!  So we climbed back up the happy ladder and haven't come back down!!  I love it at the top of the happy ladder!!

I'm currently feeling better than I have felt since October, 2013.  I have started a new 90 Day Challenge (currently on day 24), and I have the strength and energy to push myself through the very challenging workouts.  I'm back to being my goofy, sarcastic self.  I actually find myself wanting to do things besides sit on the couch.  I love it.  Absolutely love where I am in life right now.

This year has taught me so much.
*Happiness comes from within.
*Our circumstances aren't the problem.  It is our response to those circumstances that determines the outcome.  Whether I sit around and throw a pity party because I have cancer or keep living life in spite of cancer is all under my control. 
*During our darkest times, our true friends will reveal themselves.
*I didn't realize how important my family and friends really were, what a true blessing they are in my life.  Because of everything I have had to endure this past year, I now know that without these people in my life things would be so much harder.   We all need love and support, and we find this in our family and friends.  *People want to help, you just have to let them.  Accepting help is a must.
*You may be inspiring people without knowing, and providing hope to some who may be going through hard times themselves.
*The world doesn't stop because we have an illness.  The world doesn't care.  So you have to find a way to keep going.  To keep living.  To keep loving.  To stay positive.  That way is through prayer and faith in Jesus Christ. 

I want to say THANK YOU to all of you who took time out of your lives and supported me and stood by me through everything.  You all have made a huge difference in my life, every one of you.  So many acts of kindness have been shown to me over this last year that I am sincerely humbled.  You have all proven to me that there really is still good in this world.