Nine Treatments Down, Three To Go!!!!

 

 

YES!!!!!!  Nine chemo treatments officially done and three to go!!  My doctor walked through the waiting room yesterday and further reminded me that that equates to six more weeks.  When you start with 24 weeks, 6 seems so small!  So, basically three more weeks of feeling like %$%$&.  I can do this.

 

I know I have written about how amazing my friends and family have been through all of this.  And that remains true.  Yesterday this pretty lady took me to chemo:

 

 

We definitely don't get to hang out enough.  Kind of ridiculous that it took one of us getting cancer to be able to spend time alone together.  But it did and I enjoyed just hanging out with her for several hours.  Never ran out of stuff to talk about.  Made the time go by pretty quick if you ask me.  Thanks Jen for being there for me!!

 

Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have started focusing on goals.  What goals I want to set for myself once I can get back to my normal self.  And good golly I miss the old me.  This cancer/chemo me is pretty suck.  Not a fan of her.  Most of the time, if I'm not a fan of someone, I just avoid them.  But it's pretty impossibly to avoid yourself so I can't wait to get back to being the person I liked being.  The old me had goals, visions, dreams.  And I always achieved them.  Whether it was a business goal (yes, I own my own health/wellness business), fitness goal, whatever.  Didn't matter.  I achieved it.  All that being said, my first goal is to get back in the physical shape I was prior to cancer.  Second is to compete in the Chicago Super Spartan Race in September.  I figure if I can beat cancer, I can complete a Super Spartan without dying.  Even though my brother tells me that I have to sign a death waiver to participate.  Yikes!!!

 

Last years course.  Oh my.

 

That's all I have for today.  I hope you all have an amazing weekend!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



War and Weaponry

   So, word on the street is my cancer is in remission.  I mean that literally...on the street.  I had a client come in today and congratulate me on my remission (good to know that my fans are keeping track of me).  If this is a correct statement, then why am I not super duper excited?  Why am I not turning cartwheels and starting a conga line??  Why am I not skipping everywhere I go?  ANSWER:  Chemotherapy.  Think of it like this:  cancer cells are my enemy and the chemical cocktail I receive every other week is my weapon.  Seems as though I have the upper hand here.  And I do.  The problem is my weapon doesn't just destroy cancer cells.  It destroys good stuff too.  

 

I really, really want to be super positive and happy about being in remission.  But, I'm just going to tell the truth.  CHEMOTHERAPY IS HARD!!!  AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT DIE!!  It is hard to be excited when you are bald, your eyelashes and eyebrows are just now starting to fall out, your gaining weight, the nausea is unbearable, your so tired you don't want to move, your skin is all wacked, you have night sweats so bad you have to change clothes in the middle of the night, and you just want to curl up in a ball and be left alone every other week.  Now, I'm not trying to downplay the miracle that has happened to me.  I totally get it.  And I am very humbled, grateful, and blessed by the grace of God to have been given another shot at this thing called life.  I just need to explain why I may not seem as excited as the rest of my family and friends. 

This is the absolute truth.  And thank the Lord mine don't leave me alone!!!!  I have tried to explain all this non-excitement stuff to a few of my friends this week and they seem to get it.  But, I'm sure as they are listening to me complain they are actually thinking I'm a total a**hole for not popping streamers everywhere I go.  But, even so, they are supporting me in spite of myself.  They seem to understand that even though my cancer in is remission, I'm still fighting.  I'm still at war.  My body is still being torn apart. 

 

Four more treatments.  Four isn't many since I started with twelve.  Four also seems like an eternity.  Feels like I may never be finished.  I know the end is in sight, though.  And, once I reach that 12th treatment, and I finally complete chemotherapy, I will be super excited.  Well, maybe not until the week after, once I feel human again, but I will be so happy!  And then, I will be ready to celebrate life!!!!  I can't wait for my celebration party, which by the way, is already in the planning stages.  I'm being told it's going to be the party of the year!!  Yay for great parties!!!

 

Even though this seems like a huge downer of a post, it really isn't.  Because I actually am a positive person.  I actually said these words to my husband just this morning, "The sun comes up every single day whether we want it too or not.  It's up to you how that day goes.  You can be happy or sad, your choice.  I've chosen to be sad at times and I get it.  But, really, don't stress.  Just do what you can and carry on."  He looked at me, smiled, then gave me a hug.  Pretty good way to start the day I think!  

No More Cancer!!!!

 

I'm sure by now you have heard the news.  I'M IN COMPLETE REMISSION!!!!!  We received this amazing news yesterday.  I figured he would say things were going good and that my lymph nodes had shrunk.  I certainly wasn't expecting him to say I was in remission!!!!  Total shocker for me!!  The radiologist report stated that everything was within normal ranges.  No signs of cancer. Jeremy said, "So, it's gone?"  Dr. Stephens said he couldn't say that I was cured for five years and no recurrence.  But he said he could say that I was in complete remission.  Jeremy then asked if he expected the PET scan at the end to show any activity.  The Dr. said that with a report like mine he didn't expect anything to show up.  Jeremy brought up how quickly we noticed the nodes shrinking and how quickly we could no longer feel them in my neck.  He asked the Dr. if that quick of a response was normal.  He said that it wasn't, that I responded very quickly.  Wow.  Just wow.  It still hasn't completely sunk in yet that I don't have cancer anymore.  That I beat it.  I think its because I still have to do chemo.  I have to complete all twelve treatments.  Dr. Stephens said that if we stopped now, he would leave me in partial remission and there was a greater chance it would come back.  If we complete all twelve there is a very good chance we kill it all and it never comes back.

 

We also discussed my weight gain.  Actually, I should say Jeremy discussed it with the Dr.  Evidently I am driving him bonkers complaining about it.  Dr. Stephens smiled and said that the weight gain is perfectly normal.  That my body is going through alot.  He said on your bad week, when nothing sounds good, you probably end up settling for stuff that is bad for you because it sounds the best.  And he said that my body thinks I'm going through menopause right now, and women normally gain weight during menopause.  He told Jeremy that men don't get it.  Men are just thinking that the woman has cancer and she should be focused on that because that is what the man focuses on.  But he said almost every woman worries more about her appearance such as hair loss and weight gain.  Doesn't make sense to the man but assured him that my worries were common and basically to just accept that it is going to bother me.  He assured me that after I have completed chemo, within a few months of getting back to my old habits the weight will disappear.

 

Physically, I feel terrible.  Just like always after chemo.  Mentally, much better.  If I don't have cancer then I don't have to worry about cancer killing me.  If I don't have cancer, I don't have to worry about continuing chemo after the twelve treatments we originally talked about.  If I don't have cancer, then I know that soon I will be able to get back to my old routines.  I've tried to stay as positive as possible throughout this whole thing, but there have been days that I have worried and thought about the possibilities that the cancer could win or that it would take longer than we thought to get rid of it.  Now, knowing that it is gone, I can focus on getting thru chemo and moving on.  I seriously can't wait for the next four treatments to be over. 

 

My friend Ashley took me to chemo yesterday.  And, once again I was treated to a manicure.  Thank God for friends who aren't afraid of feet!!!!

 

 

She also gave me and the girls matching headbands and a hat:

 

They are adorable!!!  I wore the hat today.  Can never have enough hats.  But, more important to me than the hat was the card with a letter she wrote to me.  I won't go into great detail, but she was thanking me for introducing her to Dave Ramsey and for helping her on her way with his money plan.  And she told me that because of me, many people, including herself, have become more healthy by way of nutrition and exercise.  And that she can't wait to start hearing my positive and encouraging comments again!!  I did OK reading this letter until the end.  Then I started crying.  "I just wanted you to know that you have had a great impact on my life.  Because of you I have become a better person and I will be forever grateful for that.  Thank you for letting me be a part of this day with you!"

 

I think I have said it before, but you never know who's life you are impacting.  I had no idea I had had this kind of impact on Ashley.  I knew she was my friend.  And I knew I had helped her with some stuff.  But I didn't know the things I did for her had made such a difference in her life.  I was just trying to help out my friend!!!  It is so good to know that the things I am so passionate about and the things that I constantly promote are making a difference.  Life, health, prosperity.  So very passionate about these three things.  And I am so thankful that I have been able to bless the life of someone else simply by doing what I love.  Thank you, Ashley, for telling me.  You helped me more than you know!!!!