It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

How does that saying go??  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?  Um...Ok.  I'll go with that.  And hope that it's true.  I'm not exactly sure how feeling like I have the last two days (especially yesterday) is going to make me stronger, but whatever.  I guess maybe it will work out like this:  In about a month, the chemo meds should be leaving my body.  And I will feel like a million bucks.  And I will never, ever again take feeling good for granted.  I'm confident that's how this is all going to play out.  

 

I have never felt as bad as I did yesterday.  I will spare whoever is reading this all the details of my crappy day, but just know that it was a day that I don't think I would even wish upon my worst enemy.  Seriously.  The nasty things that chemo does to a person, the things that most people don't know about, those are the things that got me yesterday.  Ugh.  It's really pretty ridiculous.  And I do not like to complain about what I've got going on, and usually when asked how I am doing, I just say "fine."  But yesterday, oh boy.  I made sure EVERYONE knew that I felt bad.  Partly because I wanted to warn anyone who crossed my path that they may want to go another direction for their own safety, and partly because, well, I just wanted to let someone know how bad this SUCKS!!!  Not even the computer guy was safe!!  I was probably a little too rude to that guy.  But, you know, it wasn't an emergency and I didn't even ask him to fix my computer!!  

 

Meant in the nicest possible way of course

 

Throughout this whole journey I have never called my doctor.  Until today.  Still not feeling right so I called late this afternoon.  I told the nurse all the symptoms I was having and she consulted with my doctor.  She told me that Dr. Stephens told her that he reviewed my lab work from last week, and combined with what I was describing he just thinks that my body is wore out from being hit with chemo every two weeks.  And he told her to tell me to hang in there, keep fighting, it is almost over.  Oh, and to stay hydrated because he is pretty sure I'm not drinking enough.  So, I guess I will just suck it up because that's the only choice I have.  And click my heals together and say, "This is making me stronger.  This is making me stronger."

 

 

 

Before I end this blog post, I have to talk about a girl who has fought a tough battle with breast cancer.  Her name is Megan Rosbottom.  I went to high school with Megan, she dated my best friend for what seemed like EVER, and we became friends through her relationship with him.  That and sports.  I specifically remember being at her house one day and we were just sort of hanging out in her room.  She had these little statues of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  I wanted them and even tried to convince her to give me at least one dwarf.  She wouldn't do it.  Wouldn't even consider it.  I'm not really sure why that sticks out in my mind, but I have been thinking about that a lot the past few days.  That along with other things.  See, Megan was told recently that her breast cancer has spread to her brain.  She is no longer undergoing treatment.  She is at home, under constant sedation, no longer in any pain, resting comfortably.  Megan is 35.  She is married and has two beautiful baby girls.  My heart aches for Megan's family.  And I feel horrible for complaining about feeling bad.  What right do I have to complain?  What I'm going through is nothing compared to what Megan's family is dealing with right now.  And Megan, well, she never complained about how bad things were.  At least not too me.  I've had a few conversations with her since November about cancer and chemo and hair loss and night sweats.  She never complained about it.  Ever.  She just talked about it like you would talk about your favorite ice cream.  It was all just a part of her life.  My goal is to finish out my journey with Megan's strength and attitude.  This is my life.  And what I'm experiencing right now is a part of that life.  God bless you Megan. 

 

 

 

Chemo #10

So I got home from that fabulous vacation on Thursday morning, and about 24 hours later I was headed to Chemo #10.  My pal Natalie had been on my chemo schedule forever for Friday, but her baby was sick so she had to cancel kind of last minute.  So, Ms. Courtney aka "Chemo Clown" drove me.  Why Chemo Clown?  Well, this is how she showed up at my door on Friday:

What a goof!  Never a dull moment with this girl around!

 

Seemed as though I had to wait forever this time.  Evidently there were several doctors (including mine) and nurses on vacation last week.  Once I finally had blood drawn and we were allowed to go find a seat in the chemo room I was just ready to get it over with.  But that wasn't in the plan.  The nurse came back and said "Well, your labs are back and your baby white count is low.  I have to talk to a doctor to see if we can give you your treatment today."  What???  Seriously??  First of all, what the heck is a baby white count?  Second of all, seriously???  I get all the way to my 10th treatment and I might not be able to have it?  I just looked at Courtney and said "If I can't have this treatment I'm going to be pissed!!!"  She didn't really say anything in response.  I continued to rant for a bit and the nurse finally came back and said the on-call doctor gave the go ahead.  Thank goodness!!!

 

Me, happy I'm getting treatment 10.  Courtney, happy that I'm happy!

 

Ten chemo's down and two to go!!!  Only three more weeks of feeling like absolute yuck!!  I can not wait to not have to feel like this anymore.  Just can't describe what chemo does to a person.  Although I feel horrible, I'm still thankful.  Thankful that the chemo is working.  Thankful that I have amazing family and friends helping me through this.  And thankful that I'm still here. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VACATION!!!!

So I haven't blogged in awhile.  Sorry about that.  Not that I haven't had anything to say, because I always have something to say.  It's just that I've been, well, ON THE BEACH!!!  We left last Thursday after attending Emily's Jr. High orientation.  Ugh.  Can't believe that is already happening.  The timing of it really was perfect though because I don't want to think about my baby getting older, so what a better distraction than a beach vacation!  We went to Marco Island, Florida.  Fifteen hour drive.  And we did it strait through.  First time we have ever done that, but it worked out well.  The girls slept almost the entire time, which you parents reading this already know that makes any trip less stressful.  Jeremy was super tired but he managed to make it work.  Anyway, back to the point of this post.  Marco Island is absolutely gorgeous.  See for yourself:

 

 

The water warm enough for us to enjoy as well.  And the girls had an absolute blast.  Reagan cried last night once we were headed home.  She loves the water and I have learned she loves the beach. The amazing thing is the girls got along!  I'll drive 15 hours for that any day!

 

My dad was the reason for this trip.  A "retirement party" as he called it.  We learned something new about my dad on this trip.  He loves looking for shells.  And this beach is probably the best around for that.  Literally shells for miles along the beach.  Just massive piles of them.  My mind was blown.  I have never seen so many shells in my life.  And it actually was fun looking for the perfect shell.  But you have to be quick because the ocean will take it back super fast!! 

 

 

Speaking of my dad, Reagan had a good time in the ocean with her grandpa.  And building a sand castle was fun as well.  Oh, and there was the sand mermaid that they turned her into.  And by they I mean grandpa and Aunt Melody.

 

That's my niece Adeline next to mermaid Reagan. 

 

One day we drove to the Everglades.  That turned out to be a good time.  We saw some alligators which was the goal.  Some we saw on a boardwalk designed with the purpose of seeing Florida wildlife.  The others, well, we pulled over on the side of the highway and risked being run over by 80mph traffic to see them.  We didn't die so it was worth it.  So weird driving down the road and seeing gators all over.  Some dead some not.  Definitely something I have never experienced before.

This one was on the side of the road.

 

Speaking of wildlife, took these right on the beach.  The fish is a "convict" fish.  Pretty neat.  And we saw lots of dolphins too.  Just didn't get a photo.  But they were so close to the shore you could see the whole dolphin.  It was amazing.

 

And then there are these photo's. 

 

 

 

 

Being able to go on this vacation was truly a blessing.  When my dad started asking us about it last summer, I was like sure we will go.  Sounds great.  Count us in.  Condo's were booked, final plans were made.  Then I was diagnosed with cancer and I had no idea if I would be able to go.  I didn't know what the future held so we just had to wait and see.  So much had to work out for us to be able to go.  And lucky for us, it all worked out.  The only negative was we had to leave early so I could get back for chemo on Friday.  But that really isn't a negative because we got to go!!!  Leaving early is better than not getting to go at all, right?? 

 

So, this is how I spent my good week.  On the beach and not worrying about a darn thing.  It was good.  We all needed to relax and have fun.  And that's exactly what we did.