How does that saying go?? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Um...Ok. I'll go with that. And hope that it's true. I'm not exactly sure how feeling like I have the last two days (especially yesterday) is going to make me stronger, but whatever. I guess maybe it will work out like this: In about a month, the chemo meds should be leaving my body. And I will feel like a million bucks. And I will never, ever again take feeling good for granted. I'm confident that's how this is all going to play out.
I have never felt as bad as I did yesterday. I will spare whoever is reading this all the details of my crappy day, but just know that it was a day that I don't think I would even wish upon my worst enemy. Seriously. The nasty things that chemo does to a person, the things that most people don't know about, those are the things that got me yesterday. Ugh. It's really pretty ridiculous. And I do not like to complain about what I've got going on, and usually when asked how I am doing, I just say "fine." But yesterday, oh boy. I made sure EVERYONE knew that I felt bad. Partly because I wanted to warn anyone who crossed my path that they may want to go another direction for their own safety, and partly because, well, I just wanted to let someone know how bad this SUCKS!!! Not even the computer guy was safe!! I was probably a little too rude to that guy. But, you know, it wasn't an emergency and I didn't even ask him to fix my computer!!
Meant in the nicest possible way of course
Throughout this whole journey I have never called my doctor. Until today. Still not feeling right so I called late this afternoon. I told the nurse all the symptoms I was having and she consulted with my doctor. She told me that Dr. Stephens told her that he reviewed my lab work from last week, and combined with what I was describing he just thinks that my body is wore out from being hit with chemo every two weeks. And he told her to tell me to hang in there, keep fighting, it is almost over. Oh, and to stay hydrated because he is pretty sure I'm not drinking enough. So, I guess I will just suck it up because that's the only choice I have. And click my heals together and say, "This is making me stronger. This is making me stronger."
Before I end this blog post, I have to talk about a girl who has fought a tough battle with breast cancer. Her name is Megan Rosbottom. I went to high school with Megan, she dated my best friend for what seemed like EVER, and we became friends through her relationship with him. That and sports. I specifically remember being at her house one day and we were just sort of hanging out in her room. She had these little statues of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I wanted them and even tried to convince her to give me at least one dwarf. She wouldn't do it. Wouldn't even consider it. I'm not really sure why that sticks out in my mind, but I have been thinking about that a lot the past few days. That along with other things. See, Megan was told recently that her breast cancer has spread to her brain. She is no longer undergoing treatment. She is at home, under constant sedation, no longer in any pain, resting comfortably. Megan is 35. She is married and has two beautiful baby girls. My heart aches for Megan's family. And I feel horrible for complaining about feeling bad. What right do I have to complain? What I'm going through is nothing compared to what Megan's family is dealing with right now. And Megan, well, she never complained about how bad things were. At least not too me. I've had a few conversations with her since November about cancer and chemo and hair loss and night sweats. She never complained about it. Ever. She just talked about it like you would talk about your favorite ice cream. It was all just a part of her life. My goal is to finish out my journey with Megan's strength and attitude. This is my life. And what I'm experiencing right now is a part of that life. God bless you Megan.
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