Is It Chemo Brain Already, Or Am I Just Losing My Mind???

So I have been told by some friends that have been through chemotherapy that I will develop something called "chemo brain."  Evidently the chemo drugs cause you to become extremely forgetful and somewhat goofy.  I assumed one of two things:  either this won't happen to me, or it will take awhile for it to happen.  Well, I can tell you that I was wrong.  And I can also tell you that my husband finds humor in my goofiness.  Last night he laughed at me twice.  And once tonight (so far).  It's the stupidest thing ever.  For some reason, my common sense brain cells, along with my memory brain cells, are slowly ceasing to fire.  It's a darn good thing that I'm not taking a math class right now.  My problem solving skills are TERRIBLE.  Just plain terrible.  It's like my mind has reverted back to second grade.  And my memory is a whole other issue.  I have always been the one in our marriage that remembers everything.  EVERYTHING.  Never have needed lists or reminders or alarms on my phone to tell me to do something.  I just always automatically remembered things.  Now I can't even remember to make a list or set an alarm.  It's ridiculous.  And starting to make me crazy.  At work I keep a dry erase board with a list of all the Pre-Sentence reports I have and when they are due.  I always know what I have to do and when I have to do it.  Well, evidently I haven't been remembering to write names and dates on my board because today, had it not been for an eager lawyer actually wanting to read his clients Pre-Sentence before Court this afternoon, I wouldn't have turned my report in on time (or at all).  It was 11:00am when he came in my office asking for it.  Court was at 1:30.  I don't like turning things in late or not at all, so I jumped right in and finished it with 45 minutes to spare!!!  It's amazing what you can accomplish when you have too!!  The point to that is this:  Chemo brain has arrived.  Already.  After one treatment.  Awesome. 

On a more positive note, I FEEL GOOD!!!!  Actually, I haven't felt this good since probably June.  It's crazy how good I have felt since Thursday.  It's weird because I didn't realize how not me I was feeling until I started feeling like me again.  I mean, you know things are going well when you dance in your car while driving to work in the fog.  This morning, this song was my feel good, dance in your seat, sing out loud song Blurred Lines (this isn't the radio version, but way more fun so I'll use this instead).  And since I'm talking about songs, this is my current favorite Let Her Go.  I'm really trying to enjoy these feel good days.  Since I now know how crappy I feel after chemo, I don't want Friday to get here!!!  Round two is this Friday.  Blech.  But, whateves.  Not focusing on that right now.  Right now I'm focusing on the fact that it's 9:15 and Ben Roethlisberger is on SoundFX on NFL Network.  And I'm awake to watch it!!  Yay!!!

Last night was the F.O.P. Christmas party.  The kids always enjoy this.  The F.O.P. Auxiliary has cookies for the kids to decorate and also a station to bag up some reindeer food.  They eat pizza.  And, of course, Santa himself comes every year with gifts.  And who doesn't love gifts??  These kids are just like any other kids, but unique at the same time.  They are all law enforcement kids.  And that is so different than growing up in a house that isn't involved with law enforcement.  Lots of reasons why, but mainly because not everyone's mom/dad puts on a gun and a vest to go to work.  And believe me, these kids all notice that and are very aware of it.  Love all of them so much!!

 

 

One last thing.  You know what I miss more than anything right now?  Working out.  I can't even explain how hard it is for me not being able to do this.  It's who I am.  Health and fitness have become a huge part of who I am.  I even have my own health and wellness business for crying out loud!!!  It's the hardest part for me so far.  Last Friday I worked out for the first time in about a month.  This is my after photo:

 

I survived it, but it was tough.  I couldn't lift as heavy of weight as I normally do and I couldn't do it at the pace I'm used to.  I have found that I am getting out of breath really easy and just the simplest things take my breath away, so working out regular again may not happen for awhile.  I want to be mad about it.  I want to cry when I think about how hard I worked to get to where I am physically and now I am going to regress.  But, I stop myself from throwing a pity party.  It could be so much worse.  So, instead of being upset, I'm trying to focus on the fact that being in the physical shape I was in when I was diagnosed is only going to help me get through this.  And I know it will.  So, with that, I'm going to enjoy tomorrow.  Because Friday is right around the corner!!