And So The Process Begins

I understand how you feel little man.  I totally understand.
 

So, let's see.  Monday I received my biopsy results and Tuesday I met with Dr. Stephens.  Wednesday I saw Dr. Wahle and had my stitches removed.  Also Wednesday I received notice that my appointment with Dr. Robertson at IU was scheduled for noon on Thursday.  So that's what I did.  I went to Indianapolis on Thursday. 

 

We discussed the options again.  Radiation vs Stem Cell Transplant.  Ultimately the decision remained the same.  So, we started the process in motion to receive the transplant.  And what a process its going to be.  I have to undergo a series of tests and appointments before I can be officially considered a candidate for the procedure.  Once that's all done, the request will be submitted to my insurance company.  Nothing else can happen until we get the approval from them.  Once we get approval, there will be shots given at home to grow stem cells, then harvesting the cells on an outpatient basis for a few days.  Then I can be admitted for the transplant.  So, who knows how quickly I will be able to get this done.  My wish was to be out of the hospital and home before school starts, but the Dr. and the nurse both said that wouldn't be impossible but not probable.  Tuesday I have to go to Indy for tests and a class on the process.  Wednesday I have more testing and a dentist appointment.  I had no idea a dentist would be involved in this process, but she has to write a letter saying my teeth have been cleaned and I have no abscessed teeth. 

 

One year ago, if anyone would have asked me what my life would be like a year from then, I'm not exactly sure how I would have answered.  I do know that I wouldn't have said, "Well, I'll be preparing myself for a stem cell transplant."  Definitely would not have been the answer.  This last week I have done a lot of thinking.  ALOT.  I've wondered why this is happening.  I've wondered if I have done something wrong and I'm somehow being punished.  I've been angry.  I've been sad.  I've cried a lot.  It has been a very emotional week. 

 

Thursday, on the way to Indy, I had a conversation with Jeremy.  It's funny how it worked out.  As I was trying to convince him that he shouldn't be angry and that he needed to just give all the anger and sadness to God, I realized that I had not been doing that.  I had been praying for things to be alright, but I hadn't been praying for God to take the burden from me.  And as we talked further about why this happened, I explained to him that God didn't give me cancer and that there was no reason to be angry with God.  Angry at cancer, yes.  Angry at God, no.  The Bible doesn't say that bad things won't happen.  In fact, it says the exact opposite.  It says that when bad things do happen, we are supposed to turn to God and seek his guidance and comfort to get through it all.  Let Him carry us.  Tough times aren't when we are too start doubting and questioning and turning our back on God.  We aren't supposed to start rebelling and rejecting and behaving in ways that are sinful.  No.  It's during these times that our faith should grow even stronger, and we should continue to do the things that God has asked of us.  None of us know the path that God has planned for our lives, but He does.  And He isn't concerned with the path or the obstacles that show up on that path.  What He is concerned with is how we react to the obstacles.  Do we reach an obstacle and give up, turn around and go the other direction to avoid the struggle?  Or do we proceed forward, continue towards the obstacle and turn to Him for assistance?  That's what He is waiting to see.  How we react.  The more we discussed this, the more I talked, the more I realized I wasn't just talking to Jeremy.  I was talking to myself too.  I needed to hear this and it just happened that I was the one I heard it from.  

 

I really hope all the test results are completed this week, so it can be submitted to insurance by next week.  And hopefully the approval process doesn't take too long.  In the mean time, we wait.  Again.