I will never forget this day, ever

November 1, 2013
Throughout my 36 years of life, I have experienced many moments that I will always remember.  Some good, some bad.  Overtime, I have forgotten specific details of many of those moments, although I still remember the event.  Today, I experienced a moment that I am 100% certain I will always remember.  Even the tiny details.  Even as I type this (it's not really 11/1 right now) I remember every.single.thing.  It was Friday afternoon at 3:55pm.  My cell phone rang while I was walking out of my bedroom toward the steps to go to the kitchen.  Jeremy was in the kitchen.  Reagan was in the living room watching Disney and Emily was downstairs on the computer.  I looked at my phone.  No Caller ID it said.  Crap.  Although I had been waiting for this call for two days, I suddenly didn't want to answer it.  I knew it was Dr. Wahle (my Ear, Nose, and Throat surgeon) or his nurse calling with the results of my biopsy.  I sat down on the steps and answered the phone.  It was Dr. Wahle himself.  Crap.  I instantly knew this wasn't going to be a good conversation.  Why else would the Dr. call and not the nurse.  Dr. Wahle proceeded to tell me that he had just received the results of my biopsy.  (Note:  On 10/30 I underwent surgery to have an enlarged lymph node removed from my neck.  I will explain how I got to that point in a later post.)  "I removed the largest node from your neck.  There were several but I took the largest" he said.  "You have Hodgkins Lymphoma" he said.  It was at this moment that time just sort of stopped.  He continued to talk, but I wasn't really hearing much.  I looked up and Jeremy was staring at me wanting to know what the Dr. was telling me.  I couldn't respond.  Even though I kind of already knew that he was going to tell me I had cancer, a part of me was still saying "Are you $%^&*#$ serious?" 

By the time I started to refocus the Dr. was talking about referring me to an oncologist and asking me who I wanted him to refer me too.  Uh....no clue.  Absolutely no clue.  So, I decide to let him refer me to a Dr. in Evansville.  I will explain the final decision to stay local in another post.  It was a big ordeal.  Anyway, that was that.  In a conversation that lasted less than 10 minutes I found out I had Hodgkins Lymphoma, that it's rare, and that I need to see an oncologist to figure out how I will be treated.    I hung up the phone, shocked.  I just sat there.  Jeremy came over to me and asked what he said.  I just looked at him and said "I have cancer."  Then came the tears.  He sat down next to me and hugged me.  After a few minutes, Reagan started yelling for me.  Time to get back to reality and deal with whatever drama she had created.  So, I wiped off the tears and carried on.  And that was that.