I Can See The Top Of The Mountain

Gosh.  I have so much to say today!!  It has been just shy of a month since I received my transplant, and I have been home a little over two weeks now, and things are still progressing!  I am still feeling good.  I have been getting out more, doing more things around the house.  I even cooked dinner the last two nights (I did burn the potatoes, but that's not the point).  The biggest issues I have are with fatigue and that darn nausea.  The phenergan takes care of the nausea, but makes me tired so I have been trying to avoid taking that.  I've been eating more, and food tastes about 90% normal.  The fatigue is there basically all the time.  I have found that forcing myself to get up of the couch and do things helps a lot. 

 

I had an appointment with Dr. Stephens today.  All my levels are in normal range!!!!  ALL OF THEM!!!  White count is still rising, hemoglobin and platelets are normal.  I can't explain how happy it made me to hear that news.  When I sit back and think about everything that my body has been through over the last nine months, I'm so grateful that I have been recovering so quickly after such an aggressive treatment.  Dr. Stephens told me that I am doing "phenomenal" and progressing faster than most.  Considering that just three weeks ago I honestly felt like I was dying (or at least thought that what I was feeling was what it probably felt like to die), this is music to my ears!!! 

 

Dr. Stephens examined me, feeling around on my neck and underarms.  He didn't feel anything weird or abnormal for once.  There is one spot on my neck that we can't tell if it's scar tissue from the biopsy surgery or if it is still a swollen lymph node.  However, he finds it hard to believe that it could still be a lymph node after just having such high doses of chemo.  But, we won't know for sure until my next PET scan, which was scheduled for November 7.  I also had my port flushed today.  We discovered that my port is not flipped as the nurses at IU thought, so that's good.  We are going to leave the port in until after my next scan, just in case.  And, unless I have an issue, I don't have to see Dr. Stephens again until November!! 

This was hanging in Dr. Stephens office today. 

 I've been thinking a lot lately about all of this and just cancer in general.  All of my thoughts come to this:  Cancer is some scary, scary stuff.  Cancer can kill you.  When I was first told I had cancer, it didn't really sink in...I didn't really process what that meant.  Initially, I just went through the motions.  The severity of it all never really sunk in until May when my scan didn't come back clear after having just completed six months and twelve treatments of chemo.  That's when I realized how serious this cancer stuff was.  I mean, after all, I have the "good cancer," and if I have that and the chemo didn't get rid of it what was going to happen to me?  And now, after having completed the stem cell transplant and enduring all that it has to offer, I'm thankful and scared at the same time. Thankful that the treatment exists, that the research and science was there when I needed it.  Scared that it didn't work.  I will be scared probably for the rest of my life, even if it did work. 

 

One thing that helps me stay focused and positive even on the hardest days is my family.  Especially my children.  While I was in Indy, my mom had them make me a memory jar.  The jar contains memories that they have of me, and they created them all on their own.  They gave it to me when I got home, and let me be honest.  I cried like a baby!  I have never received such a meaningful gift.  So when I am having a bad day, I get the memories out of that jar and read them again.  And every time my heart just fills with joy.  I never knew how much of an impact I had on my girls.  I definitely didn't know what activities or things that we have done have meant the most.  But now I do.  And I will do everything I can to make sure they have more memories for that jar. 

Emily made this for the front of the jar.  Words she came up with on her own :)