I'm Surrounded By The Greatest People On Earth

Over the past several weeks I have been so humbled by the outpouring of support for my family.  As if everything that has been done for us during my journey to this point hasn't been enough, the support and help keeps coming.  It is such a humbling experience to be the recipient of so much, and I feel like saying "thank you" just isn't enough. 

 

A few weeks ago a great friend organized a tenderloin fundraiser.  Several people stepped up to help and it turned out to be a great success.  So many people have told me that they ordered a loin or that the loin was delicious.  I never really know what to say in response.  First of all, it's still weird to me that this is all happening.  Second of all, I didn't cook them!  So, I just say thank you.  And I feel like that isn't enough.

 

The loin crew

 

 

Today is eight weeks since my last chemo pre-transplant.  Eight weeks.  Two months.   I can't believe how much better I have felt this past week.  It seems like the fatigue is starting to get better every week.  My hair started growing back too.  I've been working full time with no issues.  I really can't complain! 

 

Today was also a second fundraiser for my family.  My sister-in-law planned and organized the whole thing.  And she did an amazing job.  My parents, brother, cousin, and my wonderful friend Courtney and her family helped so much.  It turned out to be a beautiful day and we had a great turnout!  As Cornhole tournaments go, it was very, very successful!

 

 

We had 18 teams!!

My girls working concessions

Thank you Jay, Courtney, and Melody!!

 

 

 

 

 

I really don't know what to say other than "thank you."  Thank you to everyone who helped with both of these fundraisers.  Thank you to everyone who participated by purchasing a loin or coming out to play cornhole.  Thank you to everyone who donated, whether it was monetary or otherwise.  I could never express how much all of this means to me.  Just knowing that when the bills start coming in we will be able to pay them is such a comfort.  And it's a comfort we wouldn't have without such a supportive community, family, and friends.  We are truly blessed!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

 

 

 



Strangers Aren't Always Bad

This past weekend I was blessed with being able to spend a little time with my stepsister Melodie.  Before she left to return home to Nashville, she handed me a gift from her and her husband Jon.  Also with the gift was a card from one of Melodie's friends, a woman whom I have never met.  She gave me this on Saturday evening, and I waited until this morning to open it.  Don't know why, I just did.  Maybe I waited because it needed to be the right moment for me to read it.  The last week or so I have not felt as good, and have been struggling a little mentally.  So, this card from a perfect stranger is evidently exactly what God knew I needed at exactly the right moment.  

This is the card

I'm not sure if you can read what this card says or not, but the second paragraph talks about how this woman was rooting around in her overgrown garden three weeks ago and came across a plaque.  She didn't sense the plaque was meant for her.  As she was driving in her car praying, she sensed the plaque was meant for me.

This is the plaque.

She proceeds to say that she then asked her daughter to pray, and if she felt lead too, then she should write a poem.  This was the poem...

Relapse

I thought I had conquered

That my battle ended there

I believed I was victorious

But the depths of my heart harbored fear

I lived my days in triumph

My song was free and light

Still the darkness quivered

In the edges of my sight

And then, at once, it all collapsed

It brought me to my knees

I had hoped and prayed

This shouldn't pass

Now my cries of despair shook the trees

"For what?" I choked

Under a sky tauntingly blue

"To what end?" I pleaded

With knees soaked in dew

Not expecting an answer

Wanting only to mourn

For my story cut short

For possibilities shorn

I felt my battered soul return

To a searing place of numb despair

Where spiny cells imprisoned joy

Where cancer held me scared

I had fought and won the battles

I had clawed and scratched through hell

But this micro bio terror

Might still toll my final bell

In the suffocating blackness

In my consuming misery

A voice resounded, clear and low,

"It's time.  Abide in me."

I couldn't breathe to speak

No sound escaped my lips

But I felt my body answer

As my Creator took me in His grip

He gently disentangled me

From the anguish that enveloped

And though its aftermath remained

Something else developed

I felt a warmth, a confidence,

But, more than that, I knew

That God would help me persevere

If His will I would pursue

So, though I don't know how it ends

Or how my life's played out

The breaths I breathe, few or many

come from Judah's Lion's mouth

I know.  I cried too.

It's amazing how God works.  Two women I have never met provided me with a gift that has forever touched my heart.  God knew I needed these strangers to help get me thru and overcome the bad days.  And the poem.  The poem couldn't be more accurate if I had written it myself.  It presents my thoughts and feelings through all of this, as if I had told her in my own words.  

I don't know if these ladies read this blog or not, but if they do...THANK YOU WONDERFUL STRANGERS!!!!  YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE!!

 

I Can See The Top Of The Mountain

Gosh.  I have so much to say today!!  It has been just shy of a month since I received my transplant, and I have been home a little over two weeks now, and things are still progressing!  I am still feeling good.  I have been getting out more, doing more things around the house.  I even cooked dinner the last two nights (I did burn the potatoes, but that's not the point).  The biggest issues I have are with fatigue and that darn nausea.  The phenergan takes care of the nausea, but makes me tired so I have been trying to avoid taking that.  I've been eating more, and food tastes about 90% normal.  The fatigue is there basically all the time.  I have found that forcing myself to get up of the couch and do things helps a lot. 

 

I had an appointment with Dr. Stephens today.  All my levels are in normal range!!!!  ALL OF THEM!!!  White count is still rising, hemoglobin and platelets are normal.  I can't explain how happy it made me to hear that news.  When I sit back and think about everything that my body has been through over the last nine months, I'm so grateful that I have been recovering so quickly after such an aggressive treatment.  Dr. Stephens told me that I am doing "phenomenal" and progressing faster than most.  Considering that just three weeks ago I honestly felt like I was dying (or at least thought that what I was feeling was what it probably felt like to die), this is music to my ears!!! 

 

Dr. Stephens examined me, feeling around on my neck and underarms.  He didn't feel anything weird or abnormal for once.  There is one spot on my neck that we can't tell if it's scar tissue from the biopsy surgery or if it is still a swollen lymph node.  However, he finds it hard to believe that it could still be a lymph node after just having such high doses of chemo.  But, we won't know for sure until my next PET scan, which was scheduled for November 7.  I also had my port flushed today.  We discovered that my port is not flipped as the nurses at IU thought, so that's good.  We are going to leave the port in until after my next scan, just in case.  And, unless I have an issue, I don't have to see Dr. Stephens again until November!! 

This was hanging in Dr. Stephens office today. 

 I've been thinking a lot lately about all of this and just cancer in general.  All of my thoughts come to this:  Cancer is some scary, scary stuff.  Cancer can kill you.  When I was first told I had cancer, it didn't really sink in...I didn't really process what that meant.  Initially, I just went through the motions.  The severity of it all never really sunk in until May when my scan didn't come back clear after having just completed six months and twelve treatments of chemo.  That's when I realized how serious this cancer stuff was.  I mean, after all, I have the "good cancer," and if I have that and the chemo didn't get rid of it what was going to happen to me?  And now, after having completed the stem cell transplant and enduring all that it has to offer, I'm thankful and scared at the same time. Thankful that the treatment exists, that the research and science was there when I needed it.  Scared that it didn't work.  I will be scared probably for the rest of my life, even if it did work. 

 

One thing that helps me stay focused and positive even on the hardest days is my family.  Especially my children.  While I was in Indy, my mom had them make me a memory jar.  The jar contains memories that they have of me, and they created them all on their own.  They gave it to me when I got home, and let me be honest.  I cried like a baby!  I have never received such a meaningful gift.  So when I am having a bad day, I get the memories out of that jar and read them again.  And every time my heart just fills with joy.  I never knew how much of an impact I had on my girls.  I definitely didn't know what activities or things that we have done have meant the most.  But now I do.  And I will do everything I can to make sure they have more memories for that jar. 

Emily made this for the front of the jar.  Words she came up with on her own :)