Surgery Is Scheduled

This is exactly how I feel.  Exactly.

 

I met with Dr. Wahle yesterday (he is my ENT and performed the first excisional biopsy back in October, 2013).  He was VERY thorough, and had me read the reports in my file with him.  Dr. Wahle is such a kind and caring man.  He is so precise in what he does and makes sure that he doesn't skip any detail.  We discussed the last biopsy and he examined the incision site.  He commented that I had healed almost too well because he could hardly see the scar, which made it difficult for him to determine where the new incision will be made.  He felt around on my neck to see if he could feel the node, and he did right away.  He reviewed all the possible bad things that could happen with this surgery, from possible nerve damage to shoulder issues he discussed it all.  Last time he was able to remove the whole node completely intact.  He isn't sure he can do that this time, given the location of the node, but said he would be able to get enough to provide a sufficient sample to the pathologist.  He said the surgery will take 1.5 hours.  Now, I don't know about you, but my experience with nurses is that they are generally pretty nice.  But his nurse, she is top notch.  Seriously.  She knew I wanted this done ASAP, and tried her hardest to get that done.  She even called the surgery center to see if she could move an entire morning worth of surgeries just to get mine done this week.  It was out of her control though, so the earliest she could get me in was next Thursday at 1:00.  You know what the worst part about that is?  Worst part is not being able to eat or drink ANYTHING after midnight.  Holy geez. 

 

I thought I was done having this needle poked in my chest.  I'm not. 

 

Today I had to go to OHA and have my port flushed.  I haven't had to do this yet, so I wasn't exactly sure what to expect.  However, when contemplating what would be done, the thought that I would have to enter the chemo room never crossed my mind.  I assumed the nurses up front that take vitals and do bloodwork would do this.  I WAS WRONG.  The receptionist asked me if I knew where to go.  I said "I just go back there, right?"  She said, "No, no.  Go back there and wait to be called back."  Just so you all know, "back there" is another term for "that room that you went too that made you really sick for six months."  I sat down and instantly started feeling like I was going to vomit.  It was ridiculous.  Just the thought of having to go in that room again messed me up.  I almost started crying.  I considered just leaving, but quickly got rid of that idea.  I did not want to go back there.  Not at all.  But the weird thing was once I was back there, I suddenly felt a calm come over me.  The nurses remembered me and were asking me how I was doing.  The pharmacy guy recognized me and was happy to see me.    The nurse doing my port flush remembered me as well and we began chatting about what was going on with me.  She was so understanding.  When we were done I said, "Done already?"  I somehow didn't want to leave.  I felt comfortable there.  Accepted.  Understood.  It was such a strange and quick change in emotions. 

 

 

I'm ready to know what the crap is going on.  Ready to move on one way or another.  I wish I didn't have so long to wait, because that just gives me more time to utilize Google.  More time to research possible treatment options.  I don't need to do that.  Not yet.  Hopefully not ever.  Guess we will find out soon.