Perspective

Google defines "perspective" as "a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view."  Let me tell you something.  Cancer changes your perspective.  On almost everything.

Before I knew I had cancer, I didn't think much about death.  And when I did think about it, it was as if death was something so far off in the future that I couldn't even really understand what it meant.  Now, now I think about death a lot.  And by a lot I mean probably every single day.  And now when I think about it, it's with the perspective of someone who has a disease that can kill you.  Death is certain and final and you come to really understand what that means when you are faced with the reality of it possibly happening sooner than later.  Totally not the same perspective as before cancer.

When your perspective on death changes, so does your perspective on life.  Before I knew I had cancer, I was living what I perceived as a wonderful, fulfilling life.  I had a wonderful husband, two wonderful children, a loving family, incredible friends, and a job that I enjoyed.  I was having fun, no doubt.  But, my new perspective is that I wasn't really living.  I was existing.  And I wonder, why was that? Why wasn't I really living?  The answer is simple:  Because I didn't realize that I was dying.  I didn't realize that with or without cancer, I was dying.  I didn't realize that every 24 hours, every new day, every sunrise I was alive to experience was a blessing because life is not something that is guaranteed.  We don't come with expiration dates.  None of us know when our final sunrise will come.  

So now, now I thank God daily for each day that I am allowed to live.  And I don't take a single moment for granted because I now understand that I will never experience today again.  I understand that really living isn't about getting up, going to work, making dinner, then going to bed and repeating every day.  What living is about is realizing that you may not be here tomorrow.  It is about making other people happy and expecting nothing in return.  It is about loving with your whole heart and not being afraid of not receiving that love in return.  It is about making sure your family knows how much you love them.  It is about not missing your children's activities, not a single one.  It is about laughing and crying with your friends.  It is about giving.  It is about putting off work to spend time with those who are the most important too you.  It is taking time to let those important people in your life know exactly how you feel because you know that tomorrow you may not get the opportunity to tell them.  Living is giving all the glory to God and placing each day in His hands.  

 Life is too short to be unhappy.   So I've decided to do what makes me happy even if others may not approve or understand.  I've decided that I don't want the people in my life to have to question how I feel or what I think.  

 So, thank you cancer for my new perspective.