Hair...Who Really Needs It Anyway?

 

So everyone knows from my post last week that I decided to shave my head.  The wind just wasn't blowing my way (meaning my hair wouldn't stop falling out) so I adjusted my sails (meaning I decided to go with the wind and shave my head).  Not going to lie, it really bothered me at first.  I couldn't decide what I was going to do.  Was I going to wear a wig?  Just wear a scarf?  How about a hat?  I had no clue what I was going to do.  First day to work I wore my wig.  Ugh.  Not a fan.  I figured that out real quick.  Just wasn't comfortable in it.  It felt like I had twenty extra pounds on my head.  And I don't like hair touching my face, and my wig is designed to touch my face, so that didn't work out so well.  I was literally petting myself all day (yes, petting, like a dog) trying to keep the hair back as much as I could.  I was very self conscious about it and it showed.  Everyone said they liked it, and it did look nice.  But it just wasn't for me.  So, I haven't wore it since.  I have decided that scarves and hats are going to be my thing.  I realize that scarves and hats aren't as pretty as blonde hair, but I'm at least comfortable in them. 

 

I found a few websites that donate free scarves and/or hats to cancer patients.  One of them is called Hope Scarves.  I ordered one for myself and received it in the mail today.  It is a really cool program.  Women who have survived cancer donate their used scarves/wraps/hats to the program.  They are dry cleaned and sent on to someone else.  Check this out:

 

It says, "Michelle: We pass this scarf along with the hope and strength of the woman who wore it before you.  Her story is inside.  May her courage and our encouragement surround you.

This scarf came from a lady named Meredith.  She is from Richmond, California.  She was diagnosed at age 30, 9/18/10 with breast cancer.  Keeping Hope: DANCE!  She danced through treatment and had to sleep most of the day, but she made it to her regular dance classes.  Normalcy was important to her.  Having dance goals got her through this time.  The hardest part:  Not feeling normal, not feeling (or looking) like a whole person.  Her encouragement to me:  Hang in there!!

 

 

Pretty amazing if you ask me!!  The folks who run this great program just ask that I send in my scarves when I am done with them, along with my story so they can pass it on to someone else in need.  And I will do just that!  

 

I was thinking the other day.  Thinking about how different I looked now, and what a difference hair really makes.  Only way to figure that out is to compare, right?  So I did.  And this is what I discovered:

Picture on left taken in October, 2013.  Picture on right taken February 10, 2014. 

 

I look a lot different!  Hair really does make a difference!  Here is a couple of photo's I've taken recently:

 

So, I don't know.  Hair is just hair.  It will grow back.  I do miss it.  I really don't feel like me at all anymore.  I don't feel pretty (not that I ever really did, but even less now).  I told Jeremy last night that I think I look like a 12 year old boy when I don't have anything covering my head.  Pretty  much everyone has told me that I look beautiful, pretty, etc...  I even have one friend who tells me I'm prettier without hair!  She is serious too.  I don't see it, but if she does then I'll take it! 

 

But really, I am still me.  Just minus the hair.  And it has been interesting to see the different responses I get from not just strangers, but those who know me.  People stare, even people who see me every day.  I don't blame them.  It's weird.  My probationers ask questions (I don't answer them).  I just hope one thing.  That everyone realizes I'm still me.  The same person I was six months ago, before cancer, before the hair was gone.  Before I wore odd looking things on my head.  Before I looked like a pirate (that's what my Judge asked me yesterday.  He asked me how the pirate thing was going for me. hahaha).  It is definitely a humbling experience, this whole hair thing.  I really am starting to get over it though.  Every day I'm getting more comfortable with it and less concerned about what people might be thinking or saying. 

 

And, in case you all were wondering, I AM OVER HALFWAY DONE WITH CHEMO!!!!!  FIVE MORE LEFT!!!