Today was a really big day for me. I had my first CT Scan since starting chemo. I'm nervous. I was nervous going in and I will be nervous until I hear the results.
Let me walk you through how this went for me today. I get in the room and the guy doing the scan starts asking all kinds of questions, such as "Any chance you are pregnant?" My response, "Oh geez I hope not!" He laughed and said that I would be surprised at the number of cancer patients that tell him yes. I said "No. Not me. One life altering experience at a time is all I can handle!" He then tells me he needs my arm so he can "stick me" so he can inject the dye that will light up my blood stream. I told him to just go ahead and do whatever he needed to do. I have been stuck with needles more times than I care to count at this point, so what's one more stick? He then tells me that once he injects the dye I'm going to feel like I am peeing in my pants, but not to worry because it's just the dye. I have done this before, and it does in fact feel that way, but today he must have given me and extra dose because I really thought I was!! It is the strangest feeling.
Once the scan started, and I was moved into the machine, reality sank in. As I am staring up at the thing that goes around and around and around, I immediately start wondering what it sees inside me. Does it see enlarged lymph nodes? Does it see lymph nodes that have shrunk back down to size? Does it see something new? And as I'm staring at this swirling metal, I'm also thinking about how my life has been spun around just like that thing. I feel the tears coming. My eyes are warm. I close my eyes and a tear falls. Now I'm thinking "Really? Right now? You are going to cry right now?" Luckily, the guy came in to give me more dye and to put a shield on my chest. So that ended that crying thing real quick.
About 15 minutes or so in the machine I was finished. And I left just as I came in: with no idea what's going on inside me. That answer has to wait until Friday when I see my doctor before chemo. So between now and then all I can do is wait. And try not to think about it. And try not to be anxious. I feel like I will get good news. I can't feel the nodes in my neck anymore so that has to be good. But, I have no idea what's going on in my chest and that's where the largest one was. Guess I will find out Friday.
One last thought for tonight. I do believe that I have decided on my next Challenge. This:
My brother seems to think that since I will have 3-4 months to train for this there is no reason I won't be able too. I mean, it's only a 8-9 mile obstacle course. Psssh. Piece of cake. If I can beat cancer, I think I can do that!!! Let's just finish kicking this cancer out the door and then I will start focusing on the next challenge!!!
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