I DID IT!!!! I REALLY REALLY DID IT!!!!!!

 

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I FINISHED CHEMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you even believe it????

I am not even sure I totally believe it just yet.  But I do know that Friday night, when Jeremy looked at me and said, "This is the last Friday night you have to feel this bad" I let that sink in for a minute.  Then, I fell asleep for awhile.  Woke up and went up to bed but didn't fall back to sleep right away.  Instead I just cried.  And cried and cried and cried.  I texted Jeremy and asked him to come upstairs with me.  He did and I just cried and cried and cried some more.  I finally just let the last six months of fear, uncertainty, doubt, sadness, and frustration all out.  Up until Friday, I have been living day to day.  Just trying to get through this.  Trying not to let my true emotions and feelings get in the way of progress.  None of that really mattered anyway.  What really mattered was beating cancer and getting to the day that I never had to go back for another treatment.  And finally, after six rounds (12 treatments of ABVD) I did it.  I reached April 25, 2014.  A date that once told to me seemed light years away.  As time went on and the date came closer I still did not let myself get excited about it.  Partially because I still felt like crap and partially because I didn't want to get my hopes up in case something happened and that wasn't actually going to be the end date.  But guess what??  4-25-14 has come and gone and I am done with chemo!!!!!!!!  And yesterday, even though I felt terrible, I was able to say, "this is the last Saturday I have to feel like this."  And today, "this is the last Sunday I have to feel this way."  And so will go the rest of my week.  Jeremy told me that his two favorite days were 4/25 and this coming Friday.  When I asked him why this coming Friday he said, "Because I know you will feel better then.  And you will no longer have to feel bad.  It will be over." 

 

I made him do a chemo selfie.  He escaped the prior two times he took me.  Not this time!!!

 

I was so nervous for this last treatment and I have no idea why.  Not the first clue.  But I was.  On top of the nerves it seemed like it took forever to even get back to the chemo room.  Once we get back there, the nurse says she once again has to get the go ahead from Dr. Stephens because my white count is below the level the nurse can make the decision to administer chemo or not.  So we waited some more.  She finally comes back with my steroids and says Dr. Stephens gave the green light.  THANK GOODNESS!!  Shortly after that Dr. Stephens himself came back to the chemo room to wish me luck.  He also told me that my PET scan on May 23 is just routine at this point and he has zero doubt that it will show that I am 100% free of cancer.  He said he doesn't just say things like that and that he truly believes it.  So yay for that!!!!  After he left the nurse told us that he doesn't normally come back and talk to patients so I must be pretty special (those were her words, not mine) :) 

 

So we muddled through the last treatment, having conversations that I don't remember having (happens every time).  And, I noticed Jeremy was texting ALOT, but I didn't question it because he is always on his phone.   I had no idea he was up to something.  Guess I should have known something was up when a different nurse came over to change over my bags of poison and as she did another nurse comes up behind me and tells her to slow the drip down.  WHAT?????  I just wanted to get out of there!!  Why would you slow it down??  After that happened I started getting very impatient.  Now, if you ask around most people will probably tell you that I'm not a very patient person anyway.  So, take my normal impatient self and multiply that by about 5 and that's where I was mentally.  Geez I just wanted to be done!!  Then, when the final bag had dripped its last drop, I waited.  And waited.  Normally the nurse gets over to me immediately to unhook me because I'm always the last one in the building and they can't leave until I do.  But not this time.  Ugh.  I thought I might just rip it out myself.  Finally she came and I was set free.  YAY!!!  Now take me home!! But, little did I know that was not the plan.  This was:

 

Yeah.  I was shocked.

Love everyone in this photo!!

  And the boys, when I walked out, yelled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"  hahahaha

These two!!!!

We cried for a few minutes. 

Me and my dad, photo bombed by Reagan.

A few of the signs.

 

Wow.  Just wow.  I had zero idea this was happening.  Come to find out, this is why Jeremy was texting so much.  And when it appeared that I was going to be finished before everyone arrived, that's when a call was placed to the nurse to slow things down.  I know I have said it before but I seriously have the best family and friends in the world!!!!  Once again they pulled off a surprise.  I really can't believe no one told me!!  Come to find out, my good friend Jennifer was the brains behind this whole thing.  She contacted everyone and stayed in touch with Jeremy.  I guess she was the one who called the nurse and told her what was up.  I don't think she realizes how much this meant to me.  To walk out of my last treatment thinking I was just going home and to have everyone there was just indescribable.  It just reaffirmed to me that I have not gone through ANY of this alone.  Even when I felt like I was, this was proof I wasn't.  There were a few who couldn't make it and I completely understand.  When I arrived at home (after my dad took us to Hacienda for dinner) this is what I saw:

 

More surprises!!!  My friend Kristy couldn't make it to my treatment so she went to my house and decorated with balloons and left this bottle of wine on my front porch.  Can't wait to share it with her!!!  Thank you so much Kristy!!!! 

 

Thank you also to everyone who texted, called, sent me a Facebook message, sent me a card, or just told me how excited they were for me on Friday.  It all means a lot to me.  More than I can say.  Now, I just have to make it through this final week of feeling awful.  And when I do, I will be overjoyed.  And then I think it will all sink in that I'm really finished.  And I really won't have to feel bad anymore.  And that will be the best day ever!!!