So, today was a normal Thursday after chemo day. Just the normal nausea, really tired, and the all new side effect of the nasty metallic-like taste in my mouth. The morning was just kind of blah really. Wasn't feeling great, couldn't find ANYONE to go to lunch with me until finally my husband called me because his detail in Evansville got pushed back (ok. I shouldn't say anyone because I really didn't ask every single person I could have. But, those I did ask couldn't go, so I'll just say anyone). I get back from lunch, and I'm still not feeling good. I go in the bathroom and just look at myself in the mirror for a minute. I suddenly hate my hair. HATE it. I decide the bald spots on the sides are hideous. I take my headband out and discover my scalp is bright red and I have white flakes all over the place. My hair is so thin and stringy. Great I said to myself. Just freaking great. I'm at work and can do nothing to address this hair/scalp issue. Irritated I return to my desk. I turned around to get something out of my bag, and when I turned back around there is a woman standing right in front of my desk. I had no clue she was there. Never heard her or saw her. It scared the crap out of me! I must have jumped because she said "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." She then introduced herself. I had seen her before working in the Election Office but I had never spoken to her. She proceeded to tell me that she wasn't sure why but she felt like she needed to tell me something. I said OK. She told me that yesterday her son was helping her move boxes and he saw me walking by. She said he said to her "Who is that? She is so pretty!" I sort of laughed when she told me that. I told her thank you for sharing that with me. She said "Well, my son is in the 7th grade." Awwww....I was smiling from ear to ear. Completely made my entire day. After she left, I immediately thought wow...God is at work here!!!! I was so down on myself for how I look, and not even two minutes later this happened. It was completely random. And she even said she wasn't sure why she felt she needed to tell me.
This morning soon after I got to work I received a card from my friend Jo Dawn. She had called me yesterday (she does this often) to tell me that she was thinking about me and that she had read my last blog post. She wanted to be sure that I knew it was OK to be angry and that I could come over and talk, cry, or whatever anytime I wanted. So the card I received from her today was a handwritten version of what she told me yesterday :) She is so supportive and tries her best to keep me positive. Thanks Jo!!!
Yesterday, my friend Tom called to tell me that he had thought of me and wanted to share an app I can put on my phone. It's called Turning Point and has daily devotionals and you can also listen to clips from the radio show that they do. He said he had heard one clip in particular where the guy had cancer and he was talking about how God turns negatives into positives. The app has been downloaded. Now I just need to listen to that clip.
My friend Ashley asked me yesterday if I would help her and a few others out. She said they were doing a 28 day weightloss challenge and they wanted me to hold them accountable. I said of course! Ashley knows that I'm passionate about health/fitness and helping others attain their goals, so I'm sure she knew I would say yes! I told her that I've always wanted to be Jillian Michaels! Hahaha. So this morning when I got to work there was a Subway breakfast sandwich sitting on my desk with two notes attached, one of which said "Thanks Jillian!"
It's no secret I've been down on myself lately. Down on my appearance, struggling to get my positive thoughts back, upset because I can't workout and do what I love. And then I go back and read what I just typed here. God is speaking to me all the time and I don't even realize it!! I think I look hideous, but a 7th grade boy who doesn't know me thinks I'm pretty; Jo Dawn is certain I will be OK and that I don't have to be positive nor should I be every hour of every day because I'm fighting a battle every day right now and that's hard; Ashley asking me to help is a way to do what I love; and Tom, well, he has been my friend forever and I know for certain he wants me to realize that God is helping me out even when I don't feel that way.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And I believe that yesterday and today little things happened to me and for me simply because God has my back. And He is going to make sure I'm going to be OK :)
What a beautiful story today. :-)
ReplyDelete