Is It The Cancer Or The Chemo That Changes You??

Today I thought a lot about my pre-cancer days.  As I was looking through some pre-cancer photo's, I came across this video.

 

 

 

 

This was taken exactly 20 days prior to finding out I had cancer.  I felt amazing.  I was happy.  I had no idea I had cancer.  Not a clue.  It's amazing really.  I had cancer then.  I have cancer now.  But I'm definitely not the same. 

 

I was thinking about the day the Dr. called me and told me the diagnosis.  I waited very impatiently for that call.  When he finally called and told me I had cancer, he also said that what I had was also often referred to as "The Good Cancer."  Well, that maybe so, but I can assure you I didn't get the good chemotherapy.  I'm starting to believe that it isn't the cancer in and of itself that changes you.  It's what you have to go through to get rid of the cancer that changes everything.  Think about it.  I've had cancer for probably a year or so at this point.  The cancer didn't change me.  Chemotherapy did.

 

 

I don't know.  I really don't.  I mean, is it really necessary to shake me up to get me where I am supposed to be?  Because, really, I was fine right where I was.  And I would kind of like to go back there.  So, I'm actually hoping the plan isn't to relocate me.  I'm hoping the plan is to just wake me up  enough to make me appreciate where I am more than what I probably did.  To make me understand happiness.  To make me not take anything or anyone for granted.  To make me focus more on God and less on me.  To make me show love more.  To make me show my friends and family how much they mean to me.  To make me understand that life isn't about me at all; it's about God and his grace and mercy.  That's what I hope is really going on here.

 

During lunch today I received a message from a very good friend.  She was letting me know that she isn't doing so great, that she has a mass on her thyroid and they are doing a biopsy on Friday.  My heart sank when I read the message.  Totally turned my stomach.  I wanted to cry, and I would have had I not been the only girl at a table with eight men.  I am nervous for her.  And I told her that I wasn't going to tell her not to be scared nor was I going to tell her not to worry.  But I did tell her that I loved her. 

 

Music like this is good for the soul.

 

I have a friend that did get some good news this week.  My friend Megan has been battling breast cancer and got her PET Scan results on Monday.  The scan showed no active cancer!!!!  I was so happy to hear this!  She has been through so much and I admire the crap out of her.  For her to finally get some good news is incredible.  So happy for her.  What a relief.

 

You really never know what is going to happen.  Or when.  Or how.  I never dreamed I would have cancer.  But I do.  And I'm dealing with it the best I can (which hasn't been so great lately, but I'm working on that).  My friend Megan never thought she would be going through her battle either.  But she is and is winning.  And my good friend that told me her news today, I know how she is feeling right now.  She is nervous and scared and worried.  But, if the biopsy comes back with not so good news, I know she will fight too. 

 

I have felt great today.  And the people in my life continue to amaze me.  I received two gifts today.  One from my friend Ryan.  He made me this awesome Lymphoma paracord bracelet.  The other from the Indiana Fraternal Order Of Police State Auxiliary Board.  They sent me a card with a Lymphoma cancer ribbon pin.  Awesome gifts from incredible people.  

 

Romans 8:18 - I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.